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Archive for November, 2011

a little bit of this, a little bit of that

2011/11/22 1 comment

for the past few days, i’ve been… off.

not sick, exactly. not tired, exactly. but not myself, exactly, either. some combination of the first two with a dash of anxious (work stuff, finances, the usual) and smidge of frustration (work again, family, the usual). i know that what i need is a good nights sleep, a day off to myself filled with a hot bath, plenty of tea, perhaps a massage, and definitely a nap. add in a good book and perhaps a chick flick? yup, just what the doctor ordered to put me back on track.

of course, that will only happen in my dreams. instead? i’m working from home this afternoon, where at least i can enjoy the “plenty of tea” part. and perhaps a short nap. and also be able to multi-task in the best possible way – read a paper, then take out the trash; read another study, then put away some laundry; start my powerpoint, then start dinner… because i think finally having a clean house? might also go a long way towards making me feel more myself.

because, whoa, the holidays are coming – FAST! – and I need to step up my game… or at least not be falling asleep at 8:30pm every night!

wish me luck, and a quick return to the ability to have an adult bedtime, since i have oh-so-many ideas i wanna try out (and perhaps share with you!)

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i don’t wanna grow up…

2011/11/15 1 comment

I don’t wanna grow up

I’m a Toys ‘R Us kid

There’s a million toys at Toys ‘R us

That I can play with!

 

… remember that song? Those commericials? Teddy Ruxpin?

Well, the song has been stuck in my head all morning (and now in yours! You’re welcome!)

Why? Well… If you leave off the last three lines, it might as well be my theme song (yes, then it would be a one-line theme song. Whatever.) (Yes, my theme is very much staying forever young… and there’s another song for you, just not as catchy and stick-in-your-brain-worthy at 6am… Because dude, let’s face it – I stayed in school til I was 30 just to put off the whole “real world” thing I hear is out there.)

And I was thinking of this, why?

Because Meeka’s theme? Would have to be the exact opposite.

Little girl wants to grow up, STAT.

From being the biggest baby on the block (“little” girl clocks in over the 90th percentile for height, weight, head circumference) to surpassing her milestones (pediatrician at 4 month check-up: “by six months, she may be doing x, y, z” … me: “um, that was last week” … meeka: smiling gleefully), she’s growing up with a vengeance. And I’m just not ready for that. (Where oh where did my baby go????)

Her latest accomplishment?

FIRST TOOTH.

Duuuuuuuuude.

My baby has a TOOTH.

(F*ck me… and my boobs. Now I’m gonna have to be on the lookout for her first chomp)

Of course, when I called my mom to tell her (And yes, I *DO* call my mommy about virtually everything. Like I said, MY motto is NEVER grow up!) she came back at my with this: my first tooth? Four and a half months.

So there, Meeka. Mommy cut her first tooth before you! (Such a slacker!)

But really… what next? Today a tooth. Tomorrow… ???

Categories: meeka's moods

let’s talk sleep

2011/11/14 1 comment

ugh.

so not feeling like doing anything this morning… partially because it’s a monday, partially because meeka’s hit a new low with the whole sleeping thing and was up every.hour.all.night.long (OK, OK, that’s a lie. she slept 2 hours, then 2 hours, then 1 hour, 1 hour, 1 hour, 1 hour, 1.5 hours, and 1 hour) …

sleep has been an issue in our house this weekend, mostly because we’ve been missing it.

which i totally blame on the husband. (even though it’s only, like, 85% his fault, imma gonna give him all 100% just because)

this weekend his internal clock just seemed to be stuck on “let’s wake up the baby at the most inconvenient time possible!”

saturday? came home and was calling out hellos and thoughts about his day thus far (VERY loudly) … 5 minutes after the baby had finally fallen asleep for her afternoon nap. in a small apartment, someone talking loudly at the front door? can still be heard loudly in the bedroom. needless to say, baby awake! with juuuuuuust enough sleep so that she couldn’t fall back asleep, but not enough to, you know, cure her of her tiredness or grumpiness. LOVELY.

(and yes, this is a habit of the husbands – he loves to just come home and chatter away without checking to see what we might be doing… i’m trying to curb it, since we are never just sitting there waiting for his soliloquy, but, actually, usually napping or the like… amazing, i know!)

sunday? again, woke her up from her nap – twice! – less than ten minutes in. the first time was, again, him coming home (this time, just the door shutting woke her, she wasn’t deeply asleep)… the second when our groceries were delivered and he figured i should put them away rather than him (since i’m the one who does the cooking)…

sigh.

she’s never slept through the night – not even close – but usually she’s a good napper, for me at least. loves her afternoon naps, gives me a lovely 2 to 4 hours (that momma could be using to get sh*t done, but usually uses to sleep herself!) … but not this weekend, oh no. because those unfortunate early wake-ups? her afternoon naps. her lovely, long, luxurious afternoon naps.

f*ck me

i have a feeling it’s gonna be a looooong week…

marathon

2011/11/08 1 comment

You may have heard about this little event we had in our little ole city this past weekend… Just a small something we call the New York Marathon.

This was Meeka’s first marathon, and so we set out to cheer on those intrepid athletes:

We’re all ready to go watch the marathon! YAY!

We’re at the marathon, baby!

 

Baby?

Marathon!

Baby?

Oh yes indeed, Meeka fell asleep on the loooong half-block walk to get to the marathon, and then proceeded to embark on a nice long slumber for the rest of the afternoon… (I think the marathon was a big hit, don’t you?)

Categories: big bad city living

manic mommy monday

2011/11/07 1 comment

So, I had a whole ‘nother post I was going to write (with pictures! pretty pictures!) and then yet another one after that, but right now? I just need to get this out.

For all that today was Monday (and after the time change, no less!) I had a pretty good day; the morning with Meeka was actually pretty fantastic, the drop-off at daycare routine, and then my daily grind was typical… The kicker came with an email I got mid-morning; the item I was buying off Craigslist needed to be picked up this evening, could I come by after 5pm?

I said yes.

Of course I did. Because I believe I am Super Woman. I believe I can – and should – do it all. Myself.

No need for help, oh no, I can handle it. That heavy door? Of COURSE I can open it with my foot while wheeling the stroller and walking the dog and carrying groceries. No, I don’t need anyone to hold it for me, it’s OK (but for those you you who do? THANK YOU) That long list of errands that will take all day if I do nothing else and am distracted by nothing? Of COURSE I can do that – all while holding the screaming baby! No need for a second set of arms, oh no!

And so, tonight. Leave work at 5… run across town to pick up item… run back home to pick up baby… run outside to walk dog… oh, and dinner? Yes, let’s cook that too! And I should be able to do it all in just about an hour, right?

Ha.

There was no way to get across the park and back in under an hour, which is when I needed to pick Meeka up. I managed to get there in record time, but it was already 5h30 by the time the exchange had been made. And then there was the “unexpected” wait for any transportation back across the park (“unexpected” – in that, sh*t I didn’t plan for this way, not in the didn’t see coming way – since any time you need to be somewhere on a schedule in this city, there will be traffic, delays, etc etc. It’s the law. Or something). I hopped a bus but quickly realized there was NO way that would be fast enough; transferred to a cab only to be caught behind an out-of-state car weaving slowly between the lanes; bolted out at the corner to run inside, up the stairs, and find… an empty room. My husband? Had realized how late I was and picked her up himself.

Now, I know what you are thinking. If he was able to pick her up – why didn’t you just arrange to do this from the start?

Good question.

Gets back to the super woman thing. I COULD ask him – but I thought I could do it all myself. (Which – I could have – I was there with 3 minutes to spare!)

Why do I do this? Why do I think I can do it all, all the time (which obviously I can’t)? Why do I not stop and ask for help?

Because if I had just done that, I wouldn’t have had to do a mad dash down 70th carrying two bags and my breast pump… I wouldn’t have been anxiously glancing at the time on my phone every 30 seconds all the way across the park… I wouldn’t have been so out of breath and flustered, anxious and angry (at myself) by the time I got home that all I could do was snap at my wonderful husband, declare I wasn’t in the mood to cook dinner, and storm out of the house with the dog and some cash to pick up something to eat.

No, instead I could have enjoyed reading an email from my sister as I rode the bus across the park, while also looking out at the beautiful scenery and sunset. I could have walked calmly home and not arrived sweaty and disheveled. I could have retained my calm, and not stressed myself out. And then enjoyed my evening! All by asking for help! Which would have had the end result of – get this – EXACTLY the same evening! Without the stress! And sweat! Oh my!

I wish I could end this with some reverent vow I make to never to this again – that I could tell you my new mantra is “it is OK to ask for help… it is OK to ask for help…” but, the truth is, I am sure this will indeed reoccur. I know that soon enough I will believe once again that I can do it all, and try to schedule too much only to end up exhausted and frazzled.

I just hope it’s not too soon (like, today). Perhaps I can learn my lesson, at least for a little while…

Categories: the mommy thing

A little bit jealous

2011/11/02 3 comments

This grin is for Daddy!

She was sitting on her teachers lap watching as the bubbles being blown floated through the air to land and pop on the other children’s heads. She looked up as I came in, and I could tell by the look in her eyes that she recognized me. She watched as I walked to her crib, picked up her bag full of empty bottles and dirty diapers, gathered the leftover milk and drooled-upon cloths, took her daily page from the clipboard that would tell me how much she had eaten, how little she had napped, and some of the fun things she had done today. She lifted her arms to me as I came close, cuddled in as I picked her up. She smiled as I kissed her cheeks, and grabbed on tight as we left the room.

A few short minutes later, we had ridden the elevator up the short journey to our floor and were fumbling with the keys to let ourselves in when the door opened, and there he stood.

She threw her head back and the sounds of her giggles wafted through the air. A huge grin appeared on her face, to match the smile on his. They stared at one another, entranced, both with huge, heartfelt smiles on their faces.

She only smiles like that for her daddy.

She is a happy baby, and likes to spread the happiness around by smiling at everyone she sees. She charms anyone who rides in an elevator with her, delights the old ladies we see on the street, causes the most confirmed of bachelors to make funny faces to keep the smile going. But none of these smiles are the same as the grin she gives her father every time she sees him. Every morning when he stumbles out of our bedroom to find us watching the morning news, every evening when we open the door as we return home, every mundane return to the room he happens to be sitting in – there it is, the special smile, the one that lights up her whole face with delight.

It makes my heart ache with delight to see this bond they have.

But I would be lying if I said it didn’t ache a little with jealousy, too.

She never smiles like that at me.

I know she loves me; there is no question of that. And I know that I am the only one that can calm her down when she’s become so tired she’s inconsolable, the only one who she wants in the middle of the night. I am her primary caretaker, the one who wakes with her, who feeds her, cleans her, picks out her clothes in the morning and her pyjamas at night. This is partially because of biology (ah yes, boobs) and partially because of choice (and yes, it was a choice – I just recently quit one job that would have taken me away from her too much of the time and left him in charge of these things, to start another that would let me do all of this because, indeed, my choice is THIS, this life, these things, exactly as they are) She loves me, and she needs me, and she shows that in a myriad of ways.

But she does not smile at me the way she smiles at him. It is something the two of them share, their identical gamine grins, their unique bond, the glue in their daddy-daughter duo. My heart aches with every smile the share, but it is the best of aches. Because while, yes, I am a little bit jealous – I am also so overwhelmingly happy to just be able to see that amazing smile, every day. (And I hope that someday, she’ll turn it on for me)

Categories: meeka's moods

First

2011/11/01 1 comment

As this is my first post, I should probably write something witty about who I am and what I’m doing here… The typical “I like bubble baths (true) and long walks on the beach (eh, I prefer hiking in the mountains)” blah blah blah blah BLAH.

No, thank you.

Those first words are always the hardest, especially when you are supposed to sum yourself up in a few measly sentences (or perhaps a few not-so-measly extremely-run-on sentences, but still) ; so what if you have brown eyes (true), brown hair (true), and a killer smile (heh)?

So we’ll just skip all that and jump right in, mmmmmkay?

Let’s talk about last night – halloween, don’tcha know? Meeka’s first one ever (she gets a lot of firsts this year, given that she was just born… Crazy, huh?). And my first holiday fail, ever. SWEET.

She had the most adorable little costume (purple butterfly!) borrowed from her big cousin N (check). We had the big orange bowl of candy ready to give out to the intrepid children climbing our building in search of treats (check). She had her sweet disposition and gummy grin ready to charm everyone who came our way (nope. no way, no how)

Earlier that day her daycare had a Halloween parade, which fell right at her usual nap time. And so while, yes, I *DID* get some adorable pictures of a chubby little butterfly stuffed into a snowsuit (that was totally the daycare, I thought that giant costume would keep her warm enough on its own and even dressed her in matching purple pants underneath!), well… Yeah. One parade = one giant headache for the entire infant room the rest of the day (no, not just Meeka. Apparently little ones don’t do so well when they miss their nap, and guess who did yesterday? ALL OF THEM). And also? For mommy later that night.

And so our holiday was spent screaming our heads off as we walked the dog around the block (not my favorite experience, but worth it not to wake up to pee on the rug) followed by whimpers inside as people rang the doorbell (no cute smiles, and definitely no second round in the costume!) followed 5 minutes later by a bowl of candy by the door and a tired baby going to bed nice and early…

Certainly not the Halloween I had planned.

Guess I’m gonna have to get used to that, huh? Because I’m certainly not the one in charge around here. No, that would be this little bug:

she looks thrilled for this parade, doesn’t she?

Good thing she’s so cute. Those amazingly kissable cheeks get me every time…