Home > the mommy thing > manic mommy monday

manic mommy monday

So, I had a whole ‘nother post I was going to write (with pictures! pretty pictures!) and then yet another one after that, but right now? I just need to get this out.

For all that today was Monday (and after the time change, no less!) I had a pretty good day; the morning with Meeka was actually pretty fantastic, the drop-off at daycare routine, and then my daily grind was typical… The kicker came with an email I got mid-morning; the item I was buying off Craigslist needed to be picked up this evening, could I come by after 5pm?

I said yes.

Of course I did. Because I believe I am Super Woman. I believe I can – and should – do it all. Myself.

No need for help, oh no, I can handle it. That heavy door? Of COURSE I can open it with my foot while wheeling the stroller and walking the dog and carrying groceries. No, I don’t need anyone to hold it for me, it’s OK (but for those you you who do? THANK YOU) That long list of errands that will take all day if I do nothing else and am distracted by nothing? Of COURSE I can do that – all while holding the screaming baby! No need for a second set of arms, oh no!

And so, tonight. Leave work at 5… run across town to pick up item… run back home to pick up baby… run outside to walk dog… oh, and dinner? Yes, let’s cook that too! And I should be able to do it all in just about an hour, right?

Ha.

There was no way to get across the park and back in under an hour, which is when I needed to pick Meeka up. I managed to get there in record time, but it was already 5h30 by the time the exchange had been made. And then there was the “unexpected” wait for any transportation back across the park (“unexpected” – in that, sh*t I didn’t plan for this way, not in the didn’t see coming way – since any time you need to be somewhere on a schedule in this city, there will be traffic, delays, etc etc. It’s the law. Or something). I hopped a bus but quickly realized there was NO way that would be fast enough; transferred to a cab only to be caught behind an out-of-state car weaving slowly between the lanes; bolted out at the corner to run inside, up the stairs, and find… an empty room. My husband? Had realized how late I was and picked her up himself.

Now, I know what you are thinking. If he was able to pick her up – why didn’t you just arrange to do this from the start?

Good question.

Gets back to the super woman thing. I COULD ask him – but I thought I could do it all myself. (Which – I could have – I was there with 3 minutes to spare!)

Why do I do this? Why do I think I can do it all, all the time (which obviously I can’t)? Why do I not stop and ask for help?

Because if I had just done that, I wouldn’t have had to do a mad dash down 70th carrying two bags and my breast pump… I wouldn’t have been anxiously glancing at the time on my phone every 30 seconds all the way across the park… I wouldn’t have been so out of breath and flustered, anxious and angry (at myself) by the time I got home that all I could do was snap at my wonderful husband, declare I wasn’t in the mood to cook dinner, and storm out of the house with the dog and some cash to pick up something to eat.

No, instead I could have enjoyed reading an email from my sister as I rode the bus across the park, while also looking out at the beautiful scenery and sunset. I could have walked calmly home and not arrived sweaty and disheveled. I could have retained my calm, and not stressed myself out. And then enjoyed my evening! All by asking for help! Which would have had the end result of – get this – EXACTLY the same evening! Without the stress! And sweat! Oh my!

I wish I could end this with some reverent vow I make to never to this again – that I could tell you my new mantra is “it is OK to ask for help… it is OK to ask for help…” but, the truth is, I am sure this will indeed reoccur. I know that soon enough I will believe once again that I can do it all, and try to schedule too much only to end up exhausted and frazzled.

I just hope it’s not too soon (like, today). Perhaps I can learn my lesson, at least for a little while…

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Categories: the mommy thing
  1. 2011/11/08 at 4:12 pm

    Ugh, I have the same problem sometimes and it is so much easier to say “Oh, I could ask for help!” than to, you know, actually ask for help.

    Sigh.

    xox

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